KICKING DOWN THE DOOR, ONE POST AT A TIME

I have a friend named Holly. She's awesome. She's the one who inspired me to start this blog in the first place. She read my last post and was pretty *Pun intended* disappointed in me. She called. She wrote. She told me to never give up. She told me to kick the fucking door down if I have to but to keep writing *She's from Texas. Did I mention how badass she is?*

I have another amazing friend named Chris. He also took the time to tell me how much he enjoyed my blog and how talented and amusing and all around special he thinks I am. *I might have paid him to say that* And my friend Jesse also reached out and told me he never misses a post. *Seriously, Jesse you're the man-thanks!*

Sometimes, that's all we need. Just a little encouragement. A little love. A little appreciation. *And a swift kick to the head. Thanks again, Holly!*

I'm lucky. I just put a little daylight between me and my feelings of despair and now I see that I can't stop. Won't stop. I just got a little sideways there for a minute. *It happens. Especially to uber-emotional Redheaded Gemini's like myself*

So, I'm up off my knees and moving on with my Pretty Girl Quest and my Where is My Pretty Girl Discount? Blog. *See Chris, God does listen. Your prayers have been answered*

Also, how cool is this? I've decided to go to The Iowa Burlesque Festival this weekend (http://iowaburlesquefestival.blogspot.com/)  so how can I not write about that? It's gonna be insane. I'm taking a couple of workshops; an 'Intro to old timey burlesque bump & grinding' and a 'How to shake your ass, class *As a single girl, I feel that ass shaking is one skill that I should definitely have in my back pocket. So to speak*

But the best part of all? The Queen of Burlesque, TEMPEST STORM is going to perform! Who's that you say? First of all, she's a legend. #Recognize. She's seriously everything a girl could hope to be. A Natural Redhead. Dated Elvis, worked with Bettie Page. Is 85 years old and still going strong. *And also has like, the most amazing boobs, EVER!*

Her motto is simple.

 "Never stop doing what you love. It makes you who you are." -Tempest Storm

I couldn't agree more.

So Pretty People, I'm just gonna keep on keeping on. Because this is me. And because I love it.

I hope you do too!

x Lydia

WALK OF SHAME SUNDAY-11/10/13

I give up.

I can no longer deny the obvious. I'm just standing still, spinning my wheels and going nowhere.  Since I started this project a year ago, I am no closer to getting my Pretty Girl Discount than when I began.

Even worse, nobody is reading this blog *Except you Holly, Chris & Julie. I know you are the only three people on this planet that give a fuck and for that, I will always be grateful* But let's face it, three people does not a movement make. It sucks to be ignored on a daily basis. And there is nothing worse for an artist than to perform to utter and complete silence. I can't even get people who actually know me to post a comment or take one second out of their busy lives to give me a thumbs up on Facebook, let alone get strangers in the real world to give me a Pretty Girl Discount.

*If I had a really amazing bitch face I would be doing it right now and it would look just like this*

 

*Or this!*

I guess I thought it would be easier. That all my hard work would eventually pay off. That all the stupid classes and self-improvement workshops and bad dates *Oh my God, the bad dates*

and gym time and power of positive thinking la-de-dah would somehow lead me to someplace better.

But it didn't. It hasn't. I hate to admit that my life is not improving at all. That I'm stuck. That every single goal I had set for myself has not come to fruition. But that's the truth. It sucks to fail so publicly but there it is.  I mean, there are only just so many times I can beat my head against the wall before it starts to really hurt.

So, I give up. Just like that.

Maybe I'm just one of those people that will never get what I want and I need to just accept it. Maybe I'm going about everything the wrong way. Maybe God has some insane master plan in store for me that will kick in when I'm eighty and make everything that came before it make sense.*Seriously, God if this is what's going down I am so not onboard for this option. Can you please come up with something else for me? Thanks * But for now...I give up. I tap out. I'm done.

I might come back. Regroup. Write some more. Try again. I might not. We'll see.  I'll let you know if I do. *That means you Holly, Chris & Julie* But for now I am gonna step away from the blog. Step away from the quest.  Stop trying to get people to care when they so clearly don't. Spend some time figuring it out.

Who knows? I've been a very good girl this year.

Maybe Santa will give me a Pretty Girl Discount for Christmas?

x

WALK OF SHAME SUNDAY-11/3/2013

I swore I wasn't gonna...but I did. I ate all the leftover Halloween candy. *Oh, the shame!* It was a lot. I'm not gonna lie or try to sugar coat it. *Pun intended* I pretty much have been binging, one bite sized piece at a time. And now its officially cold out here in The Midwest and its 'Cuddle Weather' and I'm still fluffy! Boo!*Yes, this is a drawing but its pretty much exactly what I look like right now without my clothes on. Except my boobs are not quite as awesomely huge. And yes, you're welcome perverts.*

So, yesterday I pulled it together, threw what was left of the candy out of my house, *You can't even donate Dum-dums, nobody wants them. They shouldn't even technically be classified as candy as they are utterly joyless.* and re-committed to my healthy eating and workout program. Which is why this post is gonna be short and sweet *Puns! Again, I think I'm super funny* because I still need to get my workout on tonight.

For the record, I am just trying to get My Pretty Girl Discount and be the best version of me. I'm still not trying to change everything about me, just the parts that are holding me back. *Like my fathead*

However, before I log off to get my beast mode on, I just wanna *Briefly* get my rant on first. Today, I was shocked to discover that Disney *Aka the Evil Empire* is trying to sex up all it's female characters. Luckily, when they tried to give Merida from BRAVE an extreme makeover, the internet went nuts. *Those trolls are good for something after all. Thanks guys! It's now safe to return to your steady diet of porn and commenting on Reddit.*

So Disney recanted and went back to the original design which made her more of a badass warrior than a wench at a local Ren Faire. *Power to the people, y'all!* But that hasn't stopped them from changing everyone else. Oh no! They have re-designed all the other Disney ladies, giving them nose & boob jobs, bigger lips, skinnier frames and way more makeup. They also downplayed anything that made them seem independent or strong. *Really, what is the difference between the way a porn star, Real Housewives of Wherever and a Disney Princess looks? Trick question. Now there is none*

This sucks! They are basically telling little girls that their only worth is in being the object of desire, not what they can accomplish or create with their brains or skills. Now, listen...I clearly have issues based on how I look and I *obviously* want to be considered as pretty as the next girl *Or prettier! I want to be the prettiest girl in all the land! Is that cool with you, mirror-mirror?*, but I'm also proud of who I am as a person. I've worked hard to be educated, kind and friendly and to become what *I hope* is  pretty much a well rounded person...not just a pretty person who is *Temporarily* round. My point is, women should be celebrated for both beauty and brains, not just one or the other. *And little girls especially, should not have to worry about being fuckable. What? Yes, I said it. Because basically, that's what this amounts to.*

 They also shouldn't have to fit into Disney's narrow definition of what is considered 'hot'. I mean, check out Princess Tiana. *The only African-American Princess* They gave her an obvious nose job among other things. *What does that say to all the young black girls out there? I mean don't they already have to go through enough without having to live up to the unrealistic expectations of a cartoon? *

But I get it, the sexier these princesses become, the more they have a shot at snagging the prince.  Listen I too, would love for Prince Charming to come *And not just on my face this time*

But I'm not gonna pretend to be something I'm not. And I'm not gonna be just waiting around for him *Singing to the birds, sleeping or scrubbing floors*. Instead, I'm gonna step away from the candy and rescue myself. And when he does show up I fully expect him to love all of me and not just the pretty parts. *And that fairy tale, has the best ending of all.*