I got a lot of great stuff this year. I asked for a lot of
pretty girl items and luckily I was gifted with everything on my list; new gym
shoes, yoga clothes and classes (do you sense a theme here?), makeup, perfume,
bath stuff and oh, yeah, an (almost!) clean bill of health.
What? Yeah, Santa hooked me up big time! Remember my little
negative friend? No, not Coco the Cluster, the nurse with the nurturing,
bedside manner.* The one who told me that I had a tumor in my head. Well, guess
what? She was wrong. Ish. She was wrong-ish. Here’s the deal. They had me go back
in for an MRI as the CAT scan was a little hard to read. Then I got sent to a
specialist in Springfield who basically said that he didn’t think it was a
tumor. (If it was a tumor it was definitely benign) That’s the good news.
The bad news is that
he thought it was a cluster (for real! See I was right!) of blood vessels that
were wrapped around my optic nerve. The course of treatment? Wait for me to go
blind in that eye and then they would have to operate but he couldn’t really
guarantee they would be able to do much. Or save my eye. Hmm, sounds promising
and super fun. Very Medieval Times. Very “Would you care for the giant turkey
leg/back alley surgery combo Mi’lady? We have a special today!” Anyway, for
right now he wanted another MRI in six months and then if there was no further
progression, it’s just a waiting game. But it’s not life-threatening…so I
really might become a pirate, but I’m definitely gonna live.
Now that still sounds super not great, right? Except for
this little bit of awesomeness...shortly after my appointment I happened to go
thru a box of old photos while cleaning and noticed that…”Oh my God, my eye was
already slightly larger two years ago. Five years ago. Ten. “No way!” I couldn’t
believe it. I ended up going thru all my photos in a mad hunt and from what I
could tell this, this thing, happened when I was like 16 years old. Yup! I’ve
been this way for a really long time and never even knew it! So, that just
proves that this is just how I am and it’s not going to progress. Once I
realized that, the fear just drained out of me and I slept like a baby for the
first time in six months.
But how bizarre that I just noticed now. And even weirder is
that nobody and I mean nobody in my life, not my friends, my boyfriend’s,
my sister or even my mother noticed the difference. “What did you just call me?
Drama Queen?” Wow, harsh. But before you think I’m making a big deal out of
nothing just know that every single medical professional I’ve seen in the past
few months noticed the difference. Immediately. So, my point is that I think
God, my soul, the Universe, Robert Downey Jr…whoever is watching over me…chose
this moment for me to notice it so that I would have a spiritual wakeup call,
get off my ass and change my life! It’s very 2013 up in here all of a sudden.
Even Oprah approves.
Which…brings me back to my pretty girl discount plan. Oh, it’s
on people, like mega Donkey Kong. So, thanks Santa. Big ups to the man upstairs
and especially to The Carle Clinic who gave me massively discounted medical
attention.
I guess in my own way, I just got the ultimate pretty girl
discount. Hmm, would you look at that?**
** I can. Because my eyes are fine. So thanks again Baby
Jesus. I owe you one. For reals.
